Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Adventures of Mark McGuire and Doctor Obvious
In the spirit of McGuire’s statement of the obvious, I have compiled a list of other admissions that I hope that we will see someday.
Cecil Fielder admits that he is fat.
Gilbert Arenas admits that for the good of his career, maybe he should have left his guns at home. So does Plaxico Burress.
Hillary Swank admits that she has shark teeth, but isn’t British.
Brett Favre admits that he will retire after this season, and then changes his mind. Chris Chelios keeps playing in the AHL.
Jay Leno admits that he has a big chin.
Eklund admits that he has no insider contacts, and makes crap up (e5).
Mel Gibson admits that he's not down with the Phairisees.
My brother admits that the younger brother is always superior to the older brother.
Admissions that I’d love to see, but I’m not counting on:
Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and Sammy Sosa admit that they used steroids. Clemens and Bonds won’t because that would mean that they would go to jail; Sammy won’t until he unforgets how to speak English.
Derek Jeter admits that he is overrated and has never understood why everyone loves him since he is, after all, a douche-bag.
I can dream can’t I?